


Can't You See It Baby, You Had Me Going Crazy

by DWImpala67



Series: Waiting For You [1]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Childhood Friends, Delusions, Friends to Lovers, Heavy Angst, Idiots in Love, Inspired by Real Events, M/M, Not actual suicide, POV Jensen Ackles, Sweet Ending, The Author Regrets Everything, Triggers for Suicide, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-04
Updated: 2019-12-04
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:14:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21672778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DWImpala67/pseuds/DWImpala67
Summary: Jensen just couldn’t get away fast enough from the ballroom where the wedding ceremony was about to take place. He was supposed to be there with Jared, after all Jensen was one of the groomsmen. But looking at Jared, all smiles and dimples, and knowing he could never be Jensen’s had torn his heart to shreds. His instinctive reaction had been to run away.
Relationships: Jensen Ackles/Jared Padalecki, Stephen Amell/Jared Padalecki
Series: Waiting For You [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1562392
Comments: 15
Kudos: 80





	Can't You See It Baby, You Had Me Going Crazy

**Author's Note:**

  * For [firesign10](https://archiveofourown.org/users/firesign10/gifts).



> Happy Reading! This story is inspired from real life incident. Although, it had a very bad end, I decided to turn it into a happy ending just like I always pictured in my head. This story is only from Jensen's point of view. If you guys like it, I'll add Jared's POV later to it. You might have realized that title is from the song "I'll be right here waiting for you". I just couldn't help but relate it to this story. I know its lame, but it works for me. 
> 
> This fic in no way supports suicide. If you are thinking of it reach out and seek help immediately.There's no shame in accepting that you need help sometimes. I know I did and saved myself. If you already have a problem, you may please keep away. Thank you. 
> 
> See further notes at the end.

(Note: Flashbacks are pointed in Italics.)

Jensen sat under the crooked banyan tree, not caring one bit about getting his new suit dirty. This was their tree, his and Jared's, and Jensen just wanted to reminisce about the time he'd spent here with his best friend. His closest confidant. His love. His life. His everything. Tears of sorrow rained down his cheeks as he remembered how he and Jared used to come here just to get away and hang out, spending time with each other. How could he have been so naïve to believe he could do this--watching the love of his life getting married to someone else? Someone who wasn’t Jensen.

He furiously wiped away the wetness on his face, but damn, he just couldn’t stop crying. He had had plenty of time to get used to this day coming. At one point, he had even accepted the fact that he never had a chance with Jared, but Jensen had misjudged just how much it would hurt when reality set in. And looking at Jared, all dressed up and looking oh so handsome in his black tux, ready to walk down the aisle, had knocked Jensen down hard on his butt. He just couldn’t get away fast enough from the ballroom where the wedding ceremony was about to take place. He was supposed to be there with Jared, after all Jensen was one of the groomsmen. But looking at Jared, all smiles and dimples, and knowing he could never be Jensen’s had torn his heart to shreds. His instinctive reaction had been to run away.

In the lobby, Jensen ran into his brother Josh, almost colliding with him. Just one despairing look at Josh let his brother know Jensen was not up for any conversation. Josh was the only one who knew about Jensen’s secret love for Jared. He had known it ever since Jensen had come home, in a daze, returning too early from his own sixteenth birthday party and breaking down in his big brother’s arms.

_It had been his birthday party and he and his friends had gathered up at a restaurant, having a great time. He’d always known his friend was bi, unlike Jensen who was absolutely into men. He knew that Jared was here as his best friend, having ditched going on a date with Sarah. So far, Jared had mostly had girlfriends and only an encounter with one guy. But that didn’t stop Jensen from falling quickly and hard in love with his best friend._

_They were having a great time. Jensen was chatting with Chris on the pros and cons of certain music when he heard a bright, beautiful laugh. He turned and saw who that exactly belonged to. He shouldn’t have had to as he knew who it belonged to. It was Jared, standing in corner with a handsome dude, having a time of his life. Jensen smiled as his heart was beating at the rate of an high speed bullet train. There was something weird fluttering in his stomach that he didn’t quite well understand but he stood there entranced by the beauty that was Jared. High cheek bones, hazel eyes, stupid long hair and soft pink lips, and Jensen wanted to kiss the hell out of them. Huh, that had been weird, the urge to go to him and embrace him, take him into Jensen's arms and show him just how much he meant to Jensen was all his mind could think of. He found himself getting hard, and he blushed and ducked down his head. A soft shy smile formed on his lips as he realized he had feelings for Jared, and Jensen tried to will his embarrassing hard ,on go away._

_Jensen looked up, ready to take the risk, but stopped, shocked to his core. His friend was kissing the same handsome guy he’d been talking to. They were having a pretty intense make- out session, and it was like Jensen was struck with lightning. Jared had never shown interest in grabbing and groping guys like he was doing currently. But to see that Jared had never given Jensen even a thought hurt beyond words. He watched, numbed by the sudden realizations hitting him, as Jared proceeded to lead the guy towards washroom and Jensen was pretty sure of what was about to come next. It was then, he realized that Jared didn't see him as anything more than a friend and would never do so. Probably he wasn’t worth of being looked at, or he was possibly no match to Jared. He couldn’t think or feel or act. He stood still, trying to process what he had just seen._

__

_Jensen couldn’t take it anymore, running home and into the safety of his brother’s arms ,trying to find solace from the thought that he was in love with a person who would never love him back. It was Josh who had recommended that he should get out of town after graduation and set up a life without Jared._

Jensen had done exactly that. He had graduated high school, moved to Austin, and became a chiropractor. While he had kept in touch with Jared during holiday visits back home, along with mail and some phone calls, Jensen never once had fooled himself that Jared would ever be interested in him. Jensen had known all along that one day Jared would take on a husband or a wife, but he never thought that it would hurt so much actually seeing it happening in front of his eyes. He was definitely bummed when he received a wedding invitation saying _Jared Padalecki and Stephen Amell to wed . A_ subsequent phone call from Jared convinced Jensen to be a groomsman, thereby ensuring Jensen’s presence at the ceremony. Jensen could never say no to Jared, and this was no exception. Since Jared had never told Jensen that he was dating someone, it was quite a shock to learn that not only had Jared been dating Stephen for past two years, but now they had even decided to get married. That was how Jensen found himself having to picture Jared getting married to this guy who Jensen had only known for around twenty-four hours. 

Jensen could practically see Josh's protective instincts kick in as he said, “Go. Go and do whatever it is you have to do. I’ll handle everything back here.”

Those words were exactly what Jensen needed to hear this time. He launched himself into the arms of his brother and whimpered, “Hurts. I can-can't be here. Need to go away.” He bit back his sobs and tried hard not to look miserable. All his attempts were in vain as Josh gave him a look full of sympathy and patted his back. A few minutes later, Jensen found himself driving out of town, going up near the lake where they used to come and hang out as kids. 

The lake was surrounded by small, wooded hills. 10 meters away from the lake was a particular crooked banyan tree that was Jared and Jensen's favorite spot. It was huge, with big crooked branches that enabled them to climb up easily, finding comfortable perches. They would sit and talk about anything and everything while enjoying their snacks and juice, and later snacks and beer. They played in the water, swimming around until they exhausted themselves. It was their go-to spot.

Now, it was the only place where Jensen could feel Jared’s presence close by. He stared at the lake, not caring about how it was getting cold or how badly his heart and soul ached. He could still picture them here. He pictured a younger Jared chasing after him saying ”Its not fair” as Jensen ran away after stealing his Halloween candy. And later, as fifteen years old, when both of them swam around, racing each other in the lake, or sitting on the tree and arguing about the best tasting beer. He just couldn’t digest the fact that soon Jared would be beyond Jensen's reach. Once Jared was married and settled down in NYC as a hot shot lawyer with his award-winning writer husband, it would never be the same. He was gonna go away from Jensen, changing from Jared’s best friend to just plain Jensen, some lonely chiropractor who was too busy with patients to have a life of his own. Jensen had decided to move away from Texas as far away as possible and end all contacts with Jared. After all, who would need a Jensen in their life when they already had a Stephen Amell to spend rest of their lives with.

Jensen just sat there, numb. His phone had long ago died while he was busy staring at pictures of Jared on his screen. His suit jacket was laying forgotten on the ground besides him. His tears were finally all dried up; there was just a dull ache in his chest, and he knew it would never go away. Suddenly he flashed on the incident from the past, picturing it vividly

_They were racing each other the lake as usual when suddenly Jensen couldn’t see or hear Jared anywhere behind or in front of him. He called out Jared's name, but got no response. Jensen was starting to panic when he saw a hand appear and a struggle going on in the water._

_Jensen's brain lit up, and although it took a second but he realized that his_ _best_ _friend_ _was drowning. He swam towards Jared, and when he reached his friend, Jensen saw that Jared’s foot was stuck in a fishing net. He managed to untangle him and help Jared back to shore. It was the most harrowing day of Jensen's life. That was the last time he and Jared ever went swimming there._

As he looked at the lake now, Jensen could still picture Jared drowning, . Jensen stood up, his mind blank and it seemed as if his legs started walking towards the lake, ready jump in without his permission. Somewhere down the subconscious level, Jensen knew he was hallucinating, but even if it was a trick of his mind he needed to save Jared. And Jensen knew that once he went in, he wasn't coming back, because a life without Jared was a not a life he could live with. He ran towards the bank, shouting, “Jared, Jared , hang on, I ‘m coming. I’m coming ~~.~~ ”

Jensen was confused when Josh appeared, still in his suit, grabbing and holding on to Jensen. “Jensen, Jensen, stop.” What was Josh doing here anyway? When did he get there? Didn’t Josh understand that Jensen's love was drowning and he had to save him? Because if Jared …. No, even the thought was jarring. He struggled against Josh, needing to be free to run and reach Jared before…

“Jensen, stop. If you go in there you’ll catch cold. Jensen, listen…” Josh's voice was loud and shaky.

“No, he’s drowning, Josh, he needs help and I have to save him. You remember, when we were kids, I saved him. Just like that. I need to save him again. Please. Let me go. I can’t. Without him, I can’t..Please.” Jensen was begging, tears falling freely. “Why are you even here? You should go. And you should let me go too”

““Jensen, we've been searching for you. When you didn’t come back to the reception we all got worried and we’ve been searching for you for so long. This was the only place we could think of when we didn’t find you anywhere in town. And we all drove up here. Jensen, listen to me. Jared’s not drowning. He’s not, believe me. He’s safe. You need to listen to me. Jensen, he’s safe. “ Jensen could feel that Josh was almost shouting at him, shaking him, trying his best to get Jensen's attention away from Jared and the lake. But it wasn’t helping stopping Jensen. His whole life was about to drown in there, and it was within his reach to save it all. But if Josh kept him from saving Jared, Jensen was sure that he’d fade away too.

“No, he’s.. I can see him,Josh… I told him not to go swimming. He doesn’t listen. Just let me save him. Please. Jared, Jared, I’m coming. Just hang on.” Jensen broke free from Josh and raced the rest of the way to the lake. He could hear his brother’s voice behind him, calling out to him , trying to stop him, but he didn’t care. He was so focused on saving Jared that he didn’t see the person running towards him the right. Jensen was about to jump in the lake when strong arms engulfed him. “No, no,no… let me go. Let me go.” Jensen wailed, fighting tooth and nail to save his Jared. To save Jared from losing his life and with him, effectively Jensen’s.

“Shh…I’m right here. I’m safe, Jensen. I’m safe. I’m okay. Look at me. Jen, look at me,” the strong voice said in his ears. That voice, the nickname, made Jensen look up into hazel eyes shining brightly in the night. Jensen stopped and blinked. He was definitely dreaming. Because Jared was supposed to be on his way to his honeymoon, and hence his presence confused Jensen. And when the hell did the day turn into night?! He shook himself, because he swore he'd seen Jared drowning in the lake a minute ago. Jensen looked back at the lake and saw nothing but serene water flowing. He was delusional. That definitely explained why he was seeing , two Jareds of different age at the same time, around him.

Jensen looked around and saw his brother with Tom and Mike, their childhood friends, all running towards them. He was still having hard time understanding what was going on. One minute he was alone, and then suddenly he was surrounded by everything he'd desired all his life. 

Jensen looked back to the face that had haunted him day and night for the past ten years of his life. It was still the most beautiful face he’d ever seen. The long brown hair, cat- like slanted eyes, big pointed nose and soft pink lips, broad shoulders, ridiculously strong arms. This was the man that had captured Jensen’s heart from the get- go. Being encircled by those strong arms was a dream come true. Jensen wanted to believe this was true. God, he wanted to believe it so badly. But when had life ever treated him well? He kept staring at Jared as if he was the solution to all his problems, and wasn’t that the truth for Jensen?

“Wh-what are you doing here?” God, his voice was so hoarse. Must be from all his shouting, Jensen mused.

“Y-you are supposed to be­­ -- not here?” He asked, confused by the sequence of events.

“If you had been exactly where you should have been, I wouldn’t be here. I probably would have been with the man I love the most.” Jared’s voice sounded strained, like when he was on the verge of crying.

His last words had Jensen feeling like he had been struck by a hammer and broken in two. He immediately dislodged himself from Jared's tight embrace and took two steps back. It was suddenly all real to him. It still hurt to see Jared. And to top it all off, Jared was using him as a reason for being away from his husband. It hurt beyond words. _Oh god! Jared was married._ “You sh-should go. I’m fine. I’m sorry I ran away. I had some work to do and I had to-to..” Jensen knew he was rambling, but he also couldn’t complete his sentence. How in the hell was he supposed to tell Jared that he had something important to do, more important than Jared’s wedding!

“No, no, you’re not okay, Jen. You’re not fine,“ Jared insisted. “What are you doing here, huh ? And what was so important that made you stay away from me and my wedding?” Jared asked in a heated voice.

_Oh sweet Lord! He knows!_ Jensen had to deflect the topic from himself, otherwise he would open up and every pent- up emotion he had buried deep within himself would come out, and he’d lash out at Jared. Jensen had to avoid having this conversation with Jared. He looked up into the eyes of the man who owned his heart and stared at him to his heart’s content. This would be the last time he’d see Jared and he had to make most of it, because he wouldn’t look back after this. He was going away, never to see or get in touch with Jared ever again. “I-I had some calls to attend to. And what are you doing here? You need to be at the airport by now. Stephen must be waiting for you. Don’t worry about me. I’m fine.” He tried easing himself up by giving a smile. He had to smile to let his friend know that he was really okay. But judging by the way Jared’s expression turn more tearful, ~~he~~ Jensen knew he had failed miserably.

“No, you’re not, Jen. You’re not fine. And stop lying to me. Tell me, what are you doing here?” Jared met Jensen’s gaze head on. Jared's eyes were so full of emotions, as if he could stare deep into Jensen’s soul and read him like an open book. Jensen had never felt as vulnerable as he did right now. He took a deep breath and tried to laugh it off. He looked up at Josh for help, but his brother just shrugged.

“Look , Jay...” _no, he’d no right to call him Jay…”_ I mean Jared. You need to stop worrying about me, okay? Start thinking about your newly wedded life, about your husband and how you’re going to be a big lawyer with a celebrity writer husband on your arm. Living in the most spacious apartment with a beautiful view and adopting three kids to raise. Of course, your dogs will trail behind you, wherever you go. You have a perfect life to look forward to. So start thinking of all that and you don’t need to think of me anymore. You’ve got Stephen to think of now.” Jensen choked up as he laid down his apple pie life dream in front of Jared; the one he wanted to live with Jared. He must have said something stupid because in next moment he was engulfed in a bear hug with a bawling Jared pressing his nose in his neck.

“You bastard, you were never going to see me again, weren’t you? You were just going to get yourself killed in the lake and leave me here, alone. I should just kill you myself right here, right now, for attempting that tactic on me. Do you really love me so much as to give up your life?” Jared held onto Jensen more tightly, as if he would disappear the moment he’ll loosen up his grip.

Something in Jensen broke deep and he started weeping again. He had hoped that no one would figure out his attempt at taking his own life, but damn it, he couldn’t live another day knowing the love of his life was happily married to someone other than Jensen. And now Jared knew his secret too. Jensen didn’t now how ~~he~~ Jared had figured it out, but his secret was no more. He brought his hands to the back of Jared’s shoulders and kept a tight hold there.

“I was so afraid. When I didn’t see you standing behind me, I was scared. And then when I saw Josh leave, knew something was terribly wrong. But then it was time and I had to focus on the ceremony.” Jared was speaking, but all Jensen could hear was how much he meant to Jared as a friend, and how much Jared wanted Jensen to witness the best day of his life. “B-but Jen, not seeing you anywhere near me threw me off. I was right there standing next to Stephen, and all I could see was you and your green eyes. I wanted him so bad to be you. But you weren’t there. He was there , and my family was there, and my friends too , but you weren’t there. And I had to find you. I had to, Jensen.” Jensen couldn’t believe his ears. This always happened in his dream. Never in real life.

“Jay… you couldn’t possibly…” Jensen was interrupted mid-sentence.

“No, shut up. Just shut up and let me finish. When I couldn’t find you it made me so upset that I realized you’re the most important person in my life. There’s nothing without you. I survived six years without you because I knew you were within reach to me. Just a call away. But then you weren’t there. Jen, I realized I wanted you to be there instead of Stephen. So, I did the only thing I could think of. I left Stephen at the altar. Me and the guys have been trying to find you ever since. I’m glad we drove out here after all, when everyone was sure you wouldn't be here. But I knew. Because this is the only place where I would come to feel you near me whenever I was feeling lost. That’s why we drove out here. And I’m so glad to have found you in time Jen. I’m sorry, God, I’m so sorry for being a thickhead. But I’m here. And I’m never leaving you, ever again.”

Jensen was completely flabbergasted. What was Jared trying to say? Did he mean what Jensen thought he was saying? Was Jared in love with him? If he wasn’t, why would he leave Stephen at the altar? Why would he come to find Jensen just because Jensen was absent from the ceremony? And what did Jared mean exactly by saying “never letting you go”? Jensen slowly broke from the embrace, still keeping his hands on Jared’s back, and asked in a soft, hopeful voice, “ What do you mean, Jared?”

“It means, I’m in love with you, dumb-ass. I’m in love with you, and someday when we’ve sorted it all out, I wanna marry you. What do you say, Jen?” Jensen was floored. Never in his wildest dreams did he ever think that Jared would love him back, much less propose him.

“Jay…You love me?” Jensen whispered, only to be stopped by a chaste kiss pressed on his lips. He let himself fall because, if this was the end of all his misery then he was hanging on to it.

“I promise. I love you, Jen. I wanna spend the rest of my life with you.” And Jared gave him his dimpled smile that made Jensen laugh a little and cry a little bit too. He was ecstatic, his heart beating a mile a minute.

“I never thought I would get to be with you, Jay. I always thought I was just your friend, and that I could never be anything more than that. I’m sorry I never told you this before, but I do ~~. I~~ love you, so much, Jay. More than my life. I planned to see you for the last time today, Jay. I was gonna go away and relocate to Pennsylvania and never see you again. To have you back on the same day is a little bit overwhelming, but I too wanna spend the rest of my life with you, Jay. I can’t breath without you. I need to be with you Jay. You’re my life line. My world. My everything.”

“I love you too, you idiot.” Was Jared’s watery reply. “Now, we’ll talk some more about how you managed to shift from relocating to Pennsylvania to attempting to take your own life but for now, I wanna cherish this moment by having you in my arms and for the sake of old times, making out with you under that tree. Our tree. What do you say, Jen?” Jared wiggled his eyebrows mischievously. Jensen heard the groans coming from the guys,but he also heard his brother saying “Finally”, giving them both a hug. Josh and their friends called out that they were leaving and drove back into town. 

“So…”

“Yeah Jay, a million times yes.” With that, Jensen reached up to cup Jared’s jaw in one hand and his second hand slid into that messy brown hair while Jared’s big palms encircled Jensen's waist, pressing him tight to Jared's body. The kiss was magical. Just sweet and pure as Jensen always thought it would be.

They stood there, kissing each other for a long time, until Jared came up for air and gave him a smile, touching their foreheads together. “Promise you'll never run away from me ever again, Jen?”

“I do, Jay. Never again.”

“Did you just say “I do”? Jared’s eyes shone bright with mischief and Jensen realized that even if it was too soon, he’d say those magic words in a heart beat, not even thinking twice.

“Yeah, I guess, I did…” He replied a bit uncertainly.

“well, well, Mr. Ackles, I do too. Never again.” Jared said, his face full of emotions and kissed Jensen deeply. And Jensen thought, it was indeed till death did them part.

When they left together hand in hand, smiling at each other like fools in love, Jensen knew, it was a start of new beginning.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I hope you liked it. I will be turning it into a verse, only if you want. Comments and kudos are a motivation.  
> I have two wonderful people to thank for. @GiGiS89 for immediately accepting to be my beta when I needed the most. Go check her stuff, she writes some good stories.  
> secondly, I cannot thank the incredible @firesign10 for her patience and guidance. She was always sweet and supportive, trying harder than me to ensure my story shapes as it is today without any loops. She is one of my favorite authors and when DM'ed me asking if I need any assistance, I jumped the chance. Till date I'm still not convinced that I bagged her as my beta. Her stories have been my fetish and she made them come true. Go check her stories out. She's a wonderful writer and an absolutely awesome beta. Can't thank her enough.  
> You can also reach out to me via twitter. @DWImpala671


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